Chapter 30

Chapter 30

I woke up completely bewildered about how much time had passed and exactly where I was. My eyes slowly adjusted to being open and I looked around for Aj. He wasn’t in bed anymore but with a little effort I managed to locate him. He had opened the window wall the slightest crack and was standing there, looking out over the beach. As my sight cleared I saw tears on his cheeks and my heart broke. How could I possibly make things better for him?

“Hey, you’re awake” Aj said snapping out of whatever reality he had been swimming in. He wiped his eyes discreetly on his sweater and I looked away, pretending not to see

“How long was I out for?” I asked through a yawn as Aj rushed over to help me sit up a little

“You slept a solid twelve hours or so. Did you have any dreams?” Aj asked sweeping my hair from my face

“No, I didn’t actually. Thank you for encouraging me to take those pills. I think my body really needed that rest” I said stretching a little and wincing as my sore ribs complained

“Thank you for taking them. I know you didn’t really want to” Aj said kissing me softly on the forehead “It’s about noon, are you hungry?”

“A little” I admitted

“I’m all over it” I heard from the door and Mollee came marching in with a platter of eggs, toast, fruit and nuts followed by Nick who was holding orange, cranberry and grape juices

“This is a lot of food” I acknowledged as Mollee set up a tray around me so I could eat

“I wasn’t sure what you wanted so I made everything I could find. You really need to go food shopping” Mollee said shooting the last bit towards Aj who shrugged

“I haven’t had the time yet” He answered. I looked at Aj who looked so sad and weary and then to Mollee who was putting on the act of her life pretending she wasn’t devastated as she nervously presented me with enough food to feed a small army.

“Hey Nick” I said taking a bite of my bread “Have you seen Mollee cry today?”

“Just now” Nick answered honestly and Mollee shot him a look

“It was nothing, I just got overwhelmed for a second but I’m fine” She exclaimed ringing her hands

“Hey Nick” I started again “Guess who else was upset this morning?”

“Aj?” Nick offered with a tiny smirk that I returned

“Why shouldn’t I be?” Aj asked defensively

“Hey now, I’m not criticizing anyone, I’m just observing. Nick, did you have any plans to cheer up my sister?” I asked and Nick sighed before sitting on the end of my bed

“I was going to take her out shopping for Christmas decorations. This house is cool and all but it’s more suited to Halloween than Christmas” Nick explained 

“How are you feeling by the way. You seem happier. You still look like crap though”

“Thanks, jerk” I said throwing a pillow at him which he caught with a small laugh “Your plan is good but can I suggest a counter offer?”

“Go for it” Nick said with a glance at Mollee and Aj who seemed completely at a loss

“How about you make a list and give it to Mollee, and then Aj will take her out to get everything so you can stay here with me?” I said and was met with immediate debate

“I really don’t want to leave you alone” Aj started

“I wouldn’t be alone, Nick would be here” I answered calmly

“Kat, I’m fine, I really don’t need to get Christmas decorations. We were just trying to think of something to do for the holidays but it’s more important that I be here for you to help you feel better” Mollee said in one breath while wringing her hands. Her being so nervous and, in all honesty, acting a lot like me, was raising alarms in my head. Something had to be done

“Molls what makes me feel better than to see the people I love feeling good? You and Aj have been stuck jumping at my every beck and call since everything went down almost a week ago. You deserve a break, even if it’s just a break from looking at all this” I said motioning to my face

“It’s not that bad” Mollee scolded

“Nick?” I asked simply

“It’s kind of like a Monet. If he had been really drunk and only allowed to use crayons” Nick joked and Mollee shot him a death stare “What, it’s true!”

“She doesn’t need to hear jokes like that” Mollee defended

“On the contrary, that’s exactly what I need to hear. I need to get back to my life and if that means sarcasm from one Nick Carter then I will happily listen to his shit all day. And in fact that is the plan” I said chewing on a piece of toast

“What if something happens and you get hurt?” Aj asked quickly, looking to poke holes in a plan that was fast becoming something I would stubbornly insist upon

“Nick, can you dial 911?” I asked pointedly

“I think so” He joked

“What if you need medicine?” Mollee asked desperately

“Nick, can you locate medication?” I asked again, enjoying the joke more than I had enjoyed most things in the past five days

“Found some!” Nick said picking up the sleeping pills on Aj’s night stand. Aj and Mollee exchanged helpless looks and I dropped the attitude for a moment to reason with them

“Guys, we all need some time to just breathe. I love you both and the thing that would make me most happy is to know you two weren’t dying inside. I need the people I love to be happy so I need you two to go see the sun and do something that’s not strictly related to me. I don’t care as much about Nick so I don’t mind keeping him here to suffer” I added for good measure

“Bitch” Nick said stealing a piece of fruit and munching on it

“Please?” I pleaded to Aj, knowing my easiest target “Take this medicine for me?”

“You are impossible” Aj said with a sigh after a moment “We are not going to be gone long and I refuse to enjoy a minute of it”

“That’s my boy. Mollee?” I asked, already having my mood soar in response to Aj’s slight joke. It was the most human thing I’d gotten from him that wasn’t sorrow since the event

“You are the most annoying sister in the world” She said giving me a kiss on the head “You will pay for this”

“I’d offer to do the dishes but, you know, mashed ribs and all” I offered and she smirked

“How long are you going to milk that excuse?” She joked stretching “Alright, I’m going to get changed and then we can go”

“I’ll go write the list” Nick said scampering off

“Are you sure this is what you want? I really don’t mind staying with you” Aj whispered to me once we were alone

“Go and enjoy your town. I promise it’ll make things feel better. I’m safe and looked after, go relax for a few hours” I said putting my good hand on his cheek

“The things I do for you” He whispered leaning into my hand and my heart stuttered recklessly. He hopped out of bed and I watched him change into a button down black shirt and some faded skinny jeans before Nick and Mollee burst back in

“I’ve got the list” Mollee said holding up a piece of paper

“I’ve got the keys” Aj said grabbing them from the bedside table before slipping on his shoes

“I love you guys” I said giving them a wave so they would leave. Finally, after many parting glances, Nick and I were alone. We waited in silence before hearing the front door slam and the car start up before letting out a big sigh

“Alright” Nick said starting to unbutton his shirt “We only have a few minutes to do this before they come back and catch us”

“Nick Carter!” I squealed as he jumped next to me and pretended to kiss me like a dog with a slobbery licks and everything “I’m injured! Be nice to me!”

“You are such a mood killer” Nick said with a huge grin rolling off of the bed with a laugh “If you don’t want to make out then what did you need me here for?”

“Because I knew you would treat me like nothing happened and I kind of need that right now. Thanks, by the way. For, you know everything” I said moving my food carefully to the side.

“That is what I’m here for. I like you, you know?” Nick said pulling a chair up next to the bed

“Well I appreciate that you probably had more exciting ideas of what you might do with your tour break then follow my sister around as she pretends not to be devastated for my sake” I said looking down a little

“Hey. I’m here because one of my best friends was in need. You would have done the same” Nick said mussing my hair a little “And Mollee is going to be ok, you don’t have to waste time worrying about her”

“Easier said than done” I sighed

“Well, try harder you big loser” Nick said pressing the button so the window wall opened and the sun poured in “As your friend I have to tell you something”

“What is it?” I asked gazing at the beautiful beach view

“You really should shower” Nick said and I rolled my eyes at him

“I can hardly stand, how am I going to shower?” I asked

“Take a bath then” Nick said simply

“Oh, are you going to help me?” I asked

“Sure. We’ll figure something out that won’t get us into trouble” Nick said grabbing my wheel chair from the hall and rolling it to my bedside “Your chariot waits”

“First you try to make out with me then you’re trying to watch me bathe. I’m starting to wonder about your intensions” I joked easing myself out of the blankets

“Well you’ve cock blocked me for a while with your sister so I have to get my thrills somewhere” Nick joked back giving me his arm so I could maneuver into the chair

“Please don’t talk about you and my sister having the sex” I said shaking my head a little

“What, do you think we just sit and stare at each other at night?” Nick said

“Occasionally you hold hands. But not for too long” I said stubbornly and Nick laughed

“Whatever you say” Nick wheeled me into Aj’s bathroom which had a huge gothic clawed bathtub. He started the water for me and then searched under the sink “Apricot Freesia or Gardenia Cybilla?”

“Excuse me?”

“What type of soap? Don’t give me that look, he’s your boyfriend” Nick said holding up two bottles

“The apricot one I guess?” I said with a shrug and Nick poured some in the water. Soon the bath was filled with bubbles and warm water “So genius, how are we going to work this?”

“I’ll help you stand and then you can lean on me to take off your clothes. I’ll close my eyes but give you my arms so you can get in” Nick said like this was an ordinary thing

“Who are you?” I joked putting my hand over his eyes and starting to execute our plan. It took about ten minutes and I giggled like an idiot the whole time but eventually I managed to get in the tub and cover up with bubbles “Ok, all is safe”

“Alright, turn around so I can wash your hair” Nick said grabbing some shampoo of the same scent group as the soap

“Have you done this before?” I asked, completely shocked at Nick’s superior handling of this situation

“I do have sisters you know” He said grabbing a cup from the sink and carefully filling it with warm water “Close your eyes, I don’t want you to get soap in them”

“You know, if I had any doubts before that you were the only person I’d want my sister with, you are thoroughly erasing them right now” I said as he massaged shampoo into my hair and then began rinsing it out

“Yeah well, I’d really impress you with the things I do for your sister but you’ve forbidden that topic of conversation”

“Gross” I said as Nick moved on to the conditioner. In spite of everything Nick was completely right about my needing a bath. As far as my cleanliness I hadn’t actually completely washed since we boarded that plane to the US seeing as the hospital only provided the option for sponge baths. The big realization was that I needed this for my sanity. It was almost like a layer of what had happened was being rinsed off and by the time I stepped out of the bath (to a close-eyed Nick holding out a towel in one hand and my arm in the other to help my balance) I was feeling like a completely different person

“Would you like me to dry your hair?” Nick asked once I had secured the towel around me and found my way back to the wheel chair

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. But if you tell the other guys that I did this for you there will be some serious payback” Nick said with a smirk as he began to rummage for a hair dryer. I did have to correct his technique a bit but after a while Nick got the hang of drying thick, curly hair so it came out more or less straight. He sat on the vanity and chatted as I put a little makeup on, doing minor cover up on the bruises but giving up fairly quickly as there is only so much makeup can really do. When I was done we found a comfy pair of sweatpants but Nick picked out a nice royal blue sweater which he insisted would make me feel like I was a little dressed and therefore not a complete invalid. When I went to wheel myself back to Aj’s room he stopped me

“If you want me to hang out with you while you lie down so you are comfortable we’ll have to find a different place. I’m not lying down on Aj’s bed. Who knows what has gone on there” Nick said with a look of disgust and I giggled

“Ok. Let’s go to my room. I haven’t had a chance to hang out there at all” I said happily. Nick took control of the chair and got me through the door and reclining in bed with pillows in all the right places

“I have an idea. Will you be ok for a few minutes if I run downstairs?” Nick asked with the first sign of panic I had seen from him regarding my sanity

“Yeah I’ll be fine. Can you just throw open the window for me? I would love some fresh air and sunshine” I said. Nick did as I asked and then disappeared for a few minutes. When he came back he got to work on the TV screen opposite my bed “What are you doing?”

“I’m hooking up the Xbox. I’m going to school you in every game available” Nick said with a smirk

“I may be injured but I’m not dead. Good luck with that” I retorted with a smile. And so the day went on with Nick and I taking each other on in every game we could find. After the fifth or sixth game (it was hard to keep track) I began losing every match we played as my eyes began to close without my wanting them to

“Ok, it seems we have thoroughly worn you out” Nick said putting down his controller to watch me yawn

“I’m fine” I lied tiredly

“Acting is not your strong suit” Nick said grabbing my controller and putting it aside with his. I watched him turn off the TV, close the blinds to darken the room before coming over to help me get comfortable lying down. When he was satisfied that the room was suited for sleeping he flopped on his back next to me and turned his head to meet my eyes in the semi darkness

“I don’t want to go to sleep” I whispered to him. A shot of terror raced through me, starting at my core and working its way up through my body until it pinged in my head. Already it felt like my lungs were ceasing to inflate all the way as I contemplated seeing Rich again after almost 24 hours without him in my head

“I can get your pills if you think it would be easier” Nick said mistaking my panic for insomnia

“No, I don’t want to use them for naps. I’m tired, I can sleep, I just don’t want to” I said bashfully

“Why not?” Nick asked brushing my hair away from my face gently

“Every time I close my eyes he’s there waiting for me” I said after a moment, embarrassment flooding my cheeks red in my signature blush

“I see” Nick said seriously “Is it always the same thing? Always what actually happened?”

“Yeah. He’s just waiting there for me to wake up again in the car and then I go through it over and over” I said quietly. The fear and panic in my belly unfurled its wings and began to expand

“Shh” Nick said seeing some sign of the overwhelming fear I was feeling in my eyes “You are my Amazon warrior and that is nothing to laugh about. There’s good reason you are the only one I consider an Amazon”

“What’s that?” I asked breathlessly, trying to hold myself together

“What do you know about Amazons?” Nick asked taking my hand and rubbing calming circles into it

“Not much. Just that they were an entirely female brigade of brutal warriors from mythology” I said recalling some long ago history lesson

“That’s only scratching the surface. Did you know a good number of the Amazons were orphans?” Nick asked and I shook my head “It was common practice back in the Amazon’s day to abandon girl babies on hillsides. The Amazons would roam the hillsides around towns where this was common to find these children and raise them as warriors”

“So I’m an Amazon because I’m an orphan. Thanks Nick” I said with sarcasm

“I’m not going to tell you the rest of the stories if you are going to be sassy” Nick said with a sideways glance at me. I laughed a little and felt some of my tension ease away

“My apologies, continue oh master of mythology” I said closing my eyes to better focus on the sound of Nick’s voice. He took a deep breath and began to spin a story my imagination could take hold of.

“These women were known as the greatest warriors around. They were trained in every weapon and were known to be especially brutal in one on one combat. In war, the generals would wear their hair down and blowing so their soldiers could look and see it as a flag to keep them inspired. But they weren’t just fighters. Amazons were known for their intelligence and their heart. There is a story of one pair of Amazon sisters in particular that always makes me think of you and Mollee. One day when the sisters were hunting, one accidentally shot and killed the other. She was so upset that she wanted to die herself to be with her sister but she knew it wouldn’t be honorable take her own life. So she went down to fight with Troy and took out a slew of enemy soldiers on her way out. All the way to her last breath, even though she was so filled with grief, this Amazon Queen fought more brilliantly than any of the prized soldiers around her

“There was one day in Tampa after you and Aj had imploded and I remember you dancing. There you were, alone in the studio, dancing with your hair down and in such a real state of grief. Watching you, all I could think of was those Amazon warriors. Those women with sharp minds who fought with bravery, skill and honor, and who felt loss deeply but were never conquered by it. They used it to bring themselves victory”

“Hey Nick” I said after a moment of silence

“Yeah”

“That’s probably one of the coolest things anyone has ever told me” I said with a small smile, peeking out below one tired eyelid up at him “Thanks”

“It’s the truth. So when you fall asleep I want you to look that bastard straight in the eye and I want you to remember that you are the ultimate warrior. He threw everything he had at you and look at you. You made it through. You are alive and you are you and he will never be able to hurt you again. So when you see him in your dream you tell him ‘I am an Amazon and you did not defeat me’” Nick said with strength

“Say it again” I whispered feeling sleep begin to overtake me

“You are an Amazon and he will not defeat you” Nick repeated. He said it a few more times but how many exactly I can’t be sure as I fell into a deep sleep.

Chapter 29

Chapter 29

The doctors managed to keep me in the hospital under observation for four more days before I threatened to break out. Every day I got calls from Howie, Josh and Brian checking in while Mollee, Aj and Nick rotated shifts to give each other time to sleep or walk around since no one wanted to leave me alone. I couldn’t say that I was upset by that as the flashbacks and nightmares made their presence known any time I would try to sleep or if a male doctor or nurse got too close. It was embarrassing and I tried to make sure that no one was offended but anyone with a y chromosome that was outside of my close friends seemed to morph into Rich when they approached me. The orderly had Rich’s eyes while the hand specialist walked like him. I talked with the hospital psychiatrist about it all but she seemed to think that these things wouldn’t change until I had put the incident behind me and that I should allow myself some time for that to happen. Aj tried to keep me positive about the whole thing, saying we had kicked my old panic attacks together and we would tackle these too when the time was right.

Overall I was just so excited when the bright blue wheelchair Aj and Mollee had purchased for me arrived at my room with huge balloons and streamers all over it. I had changed into an actual outfit from my wardrobe and was more than ready to get the heck out of the hospital.

“Alright Katrina, all your papers are in order. Now you are due back here every week until I say otherwise to check on the status of all your injuries. At some point we’ll start physical therapy but until then it’s bed rest and the wheelchair only. Do you hear me?” My main doctor, Dr. Lisa, said

“I hear you. You act like I’m a delinquent patient” I said with a knowing smirk. There was no secret that I was dying to get up and moving again. This independent lady was none too happy about having everything done for her.

“Just get better” Dr. Lisa said patting me on the shoulder. She turned to give some paperwork and medication to Mollee while I turned to Aj

“Can we go? Please?” I begged. The sunshine was calling me and one minute more in this room was likely to make my head explode

“I think we’ve got everything. Ok. Roll over here” Aj said with a smile at my eagerness before carefully picking me up and moving me to the wheelchair. I settled in and gave a big smile to him.

“Forward!” I shouted like an empress causing Mollee and Nick, who were bringing up the rear with my belongings and paperwork, to laugh. We raced out of the hospital and Aj moved me carefully into the passenger seat of his car. Over all my ribs felt less sore every day but just this amount of movement had them throbbing.

“Are you ok?” Mollee whispered in my ear from her seat behind me, noticing my discomfort

“I’ll be fine. It’s just the most movement I’ve had in a few days and my body is getting used to it” I explained. Mollee pulled out one of my medications and shook it

“These babies will make it better” She attempted but I shook my head. I’d made it this far without pain medication so I could certainly do the whole thing this way. We were in high spirits as we drove through downtown LA and then up into the hills where Aj lived. We passed through three security checkpoints before finally approaching a huge wrought iron gate. It couldn’t have been less than twenty feet tall and when Aj rolled down his window to punch in the door code it squeaked and whined as its full weight was forced to swing open

“Welcome home” Aj said happily as he eased the car forward up the driveway. The driveway wound up a large hill and it took a good minute before I could see the silhouette of a house at the very top. I opened my window and stuck my head out as far as my ribs would let me to take a deep breath of fresh California air. I breathed in the trees and flowers and hint of sea salt before opening my eyes to get a good view of the house we were fast approaching. What I saw was nothing short of a palace. The place managed to feel both medieval and very California at the same time with towering walls of orange stucco dotted with long windows topped with red clay shingles. Mollee helped me down into the wheelchair once we had parked and we just sat there for a moment taking in the entrance which towered above us with a set of winding stairs leading to a tall, ornately decorated iron door.

“How many of our New York apartments could we fit in there?” I whispered to her

“How many of our full New Hampshire house could we fit? I bet at least three” She whispered back

“It’s even more impressive on the inside” Aj joked with a satisfied smile. You could tell he was very excited to have had his house make such a strong impression. Mollee turned back to the car to get her purse and Nick took control of the wheelchair

“These are all new ramps just for you!” Nick said rolling me up a ramp that sat directly in between the two staircases

“When did you have that done?” I asked putting my hand out and resting it on Aj’s thigh which was about the only thing I could reach from the chair

“One of my guys took care of it over the last few days. Wait until you see how you get to go up the main staircase” He said pecking me on the cheek before opening the door. Nick wheeled me in and I was immediately greeted by a huge entryway that stretched up two floors. An elaborately welded medieval chandelier hung down in front of the double staircase that lead to the second floor and it burned with actual flickering candles. “Want the full tour?”

“Yes please!” I said with a grin. Aj could have brought me to a shack in the middle of the desert and I would have been pleased by virtue of it not being the hospital room. The fact that he was welcoming me to the biggest house I’d ever seen was enough to make me forget my considerable problems at the moment. And that’s saying something.

“Alright come on through here to the dining room” Aj started. A large table that could have easily sat twenty was the focal point of the room, carefully engraved with skulls of all sorts and surrounded by tall backed matching chairs of dark wood. More chandeliers hung over the table that Aj brushed aside as something he “didn’t use much”

“Not with your microwave pizza addiction” I joked as he wheeled me through to the next room. We toured the kitchen which was huge and had a large island bar in the middle and then around to the living room which was filled with more couches than made any sense.

“Aj, why on Earth do you need a room filled with couches?” Mollee asked with a laugh

“It’s my collection. You can’t knock it until you’ve had the pleasure of choosing a different couch to play Xbox on for two entire weeks” He said defensively as Mollee and I rolled our eyes at each other. We moved on to the back patio which opened out to a huge backyard surrounded by trees with a pool in the middle. Of course this was no ordinary pool. This pool was made to resemble a pond and within it were hidden intricate carvings of mermaids and beautiful fountains with multiple levels dribbling water gently into the main body of water.

“What are the doctor’s orders on swimming?” I asked admiring the pool

“I’m not sure, we’ll have to check” Mollee said as she took charge and led me back to the main staircase.

“Are you ready for something so super exciting?” Aj said giddily. Overall he was the happiest I’d seen him since everything had happened

“Definitely!” I said with a grin, catching his contagious enthusiasm. Aj wheeled me backwards towards the stairway and when I got close enough I heard a click

“Hold on tight and push this button” Aj said wrapping a remote around to me from its spot hidden in the wall. Slowly my chair began to move on a track up the stairs and my smile grew

“It’s like a theme park every day!” I squealed and Aj laughed while Nick raised his eyebrow “Oh stop, you’re just jealous”

“Ok, a little” He admitted before bounding up the stairs after me. When we got to the second floor it was time for a tour of the entertainment center with its movie theater seating and large projection screen as well as a reflection and hookah room filled with purple, red and yellow pillows around an ornate marble table that held a very impressive hookah. Then it was off to see a slew of guest rooms before we pulled up short in front of one room in particular.

“Are you ready for another surprise?” Aj asked and I nodded. He opened up a door on the long hallway and I gasped

“Mollee, why is all of your stuff here!?” The room was a dark purple and it 

already had pieces of flair from my sister in every corner. A picture board of us and our parents which never left her side was propped in a far corner and the walk in closet was overflowing with her clothes

“I figured Aj could use some help for a few days and he offered me a room that could be mine while I was here” Mollee said happily “That is, if you want me”

“You are the best” I said giving her a big hug. I caught Aj’s eye over her shoulder and mouthed “thank you”

“Come see my room” He said with an accompanying nod as an answer before pushing me down the hall a little farther. He swung open another door and I was met with a room that screamed Aj. You could tell it was his pride and joy in its decoration and it made me feel at home just to look at it. High ceilings topped black walls with all manner of silver, bronze and gold pieces mounted to them. Actual tiny torches burned in ornate holders to throw shadows over the dark wooden floor covered in the center of the room by a white shag rug. A monstrous bed with a huge carved wooden foot and headboard dominated the space and was dressed with black sheets with white and red accents in the pillows and blankets.

“Aj this is incredible” I said wheeling myself in

“You haven’t even seen the best part” He said quietly, taking control of my chair and wheeling me towards the curtains at the far end of the room. With a dramatic gesture he threw open the curtains to reveal that the entire wall was actually a window facing the beach. Sun poured in over the white sand and crashing waves and I closed my eyes to feel it on my skin

“Damn” Nick commented “I’ve never seen this before”

“It’s fairly new” Aj said sheepishly “I thought Kat might like it”

“You had this done this past week?” I asked incredulously

“Of course not, I had it done back when we first started touring. You were all about the beach calming you and I figured that if I ever brought you back here that you’d like a view of it” Aj answered acting like it was no big deal

“Alexander James” I teased “You planned to live with me only weeks after we had met?”

“Ok, that’s enough. I want to show you your room” Aj said taking advantage of my inability to move myself to wheel me away from the large display of affection which was one entire wall of his bedroom

“Why not just share this one?” Mollee asked following behind

“Aj thinks I’ll need somewhere to call my own” I explained with an eye roll

“So my room is the only one with the view to the beach” Aj interrupted outside the door next to his “but this room has the next best thing, a view of the mountains. I know they are nothing to New Hampshire but I thought it might remind you of home”

“That’s so sweet Aj” I said putting my hand on his and giving it a small squeeze. Aj opened up the door and what I saw took my breath away. A large room with light hardwood floors and bright green walls met my eyes. Everything in it was forest themed. The bed was made with green sheets covered by a fluffy brown comforter with a leopard print blanket folded at the end of the bed to match the animal print pillows. The furniture included a bedside table, dresser and entertainment unit with shelves all made of some dark wood that had been left unpolished so it resembled the bark from trees. The shelves were filled with my pictures and scrap books that Mollee must have unpacked for me while I was in the hospital and a giant branch seemed to grow right out of the ceiling to extend halfway across the room.

“This is my favorite part” Mollee said shutting off the lights and hitting a small switch next to the bed. Tiny white lights came to life on the branch as if tiny stars had been caught where leaves had once been.

“Aj” I said at a loss for words

“And this is your view” he said wheeling me to a large picture window with a window seat. He drew back the sheer brown curtains and showed me the rolling hills of LA and the surrounding area. Green played against the bright blue sky until in the distance it gave way to the burnt orange of the desert

“This is breathtaking” I said quietly. A tear rolled down my cheek and I wiped it away quickly, but not fast enough to escape my sister

“Are you ok?” She asked quickly kneeling in front of me

“It’s just so nice. I’m going to be so at home here” I said and her worried look gave way to a smile. After touring my walk-in closet and large bathroom with heated stone floors and an organically flowing glass shower and tub I settled into my chair and tried to hide a big yawn

“Tired?” Mollee asked and I nodded

“I can last though, is there anything else I should see?” I asked with a small smile. Aj glanced and Mollee who shook her head and then looked at Nick who shrugged “Ok, what am I missing”

“There is one other thing I had installed here. It was before everything happened though” Aj said tentatively as Mollee fumed

“You can see it once we know you’re all settled up here” She said sternly pointing to my head “No need to over excited you on your first day out of the hospital”

“I can handle it” I said pulling away from her condescending touch and tone

“You had to bring it up” Mollee said angrily to Aj

“I think she can handle it too. It’s for her she should know that it’s there. When she’s ready” Aj said defensively

“Ok, she is sitting right here” I said with annoyance as I tried to discreetly stretch out my now aching side. Sitting up in the chair was a lot harder on my ribs than lying down. Not that I’d ever let any of them know that. “Come on. Bring me where I’m not supposed to go”

“Someday you’ll listen to me” Mollee mumbled as she took hold of my chair and wheeled me out of my room. Aj rolled his eyes and followed as she clipped me back into the stairs and then led me carefully down a second ramp to a basement level. It was clear work had been done here as the hallway was unfinished and the door I was presented with was thoroughly unremarkable

“This is for you” Aj said reaching forward to open the door and turn on the lights. Slowly the room came to light before my eyes and I gasped. A huge space with floor to ceiling mirrors on one side and a bar on the other presented itself. The smell of brand new Marley met my nose with a nostalgic twinge and I couldn’t stop myself from slipping off my sandal so I could feel it beneath my feet. Aj had made me a dance studio. My very own dance studio

“Help me” I said quietly holding out my arms once I had moved my feet from their place on the foot rest of my chair to the floor

“Kat, what are you doing?” Mollee asked quickly

“I’m not going to dance I just want to walk in the room. I can’t wheel the chair in because it’ll mess up the floor” I explained to silent, stunned faces 

“You can either help me get up or I’ll do it myself”

“Ok, ok” She said with a sigh and a glare at Aj who looked like he was second guessing his own wisdom of showing me my very own dance space. They each took a side while Nick held the chair steady and I stretched slowly to my feet. Once there I shook them away so I could take some careful steps by myself to the center of the room. The walls were painted a lovely deep blue and there were all the hookups for a surround sound music system in place. It felt so perfect and so right that I didn’t think twice about turning towards the large mirror in front of me.

“Oh God” I got out once I caught my own reflection and I staggered back a few steps. Aj was there in a heartbeat to make sure I didn’t fall but that was the least of my worries. I had yet to see myself in a mirror since I had been admitted to the hospital. People had explained my injuries to me but I had not seen them for myself. Wordlessly I brought my hand up to my head where the first of many bruises stemmed. A huge swollen egg protruded from my right temple, probably the remnants of the impact it had made with the car window that had knocked me out. What had once been black and blue was healing into a cornucopia of colors and the swelling was still so intense that it made it impossible to open my left eye all the way. The right side of my jaw was swollen as well and my lip had been split in addition to the lovely bruise that blossomed underneath the wound. That must have been from one of the times Rich had slapped me. I ran my hands down my neck and traced the bruises and tenderness there. Brian was right, there was a very clear handprint with a deeper bruise by the heel of the hand and lighter spokes that shot off from there for the fingers reaching towards my left ear. Completely in a trance I moved to lift up my shirt and was met with a stomach that could have been a yin yang. My right side was pale, my normal skin tone, but the left side was a dark reddish black that extended angrily up my entire side and around to my back. As I attempted to turn to see my back my vision became clouded with what I realized were my own tears

“Hey. Hey precious it’s ok” Aj said taking me in his arms and sweeping me off my feet so he could rock me close to his chest. The tears came faster and faster as what happened to me finally hit home and hit hard. Sobs erupted from the tears and I buried my face into Aj’s dampening shirt

“Kat you’re ok. You’re going to ok” Mollee’s voice crooned to me from my left and I felt her hand rubbing circles into my back. I just couldn’t shake the image of that girl staring back at me. That wasn’t someone strong. That was a victim. Rich had turned me into that. Anger and devastation poured out of me so violently that I thought it might never end. Like so many things, however, with enough time I began to regain control. Slowly the sobs turned back into tears that became fewer and fewer until I had regained some of my breath. I cleared my throat a few times before I could make myself speak

“No one told me how bad it looked” I croaked, still half choking on tears

“It’s much better than it was” Mollee said and then panic rushed over her face 

“I mean you’re healing. It’s good because the swelling and colors mean you’re healing”

“I’m tired” I said after a moment of silence “Thank you so much for the studio Aj. Knowing it is here is more encouragement to stay strong and fight hard to get better so I can use it”

“I’m sorry I didn’t think of the mirrors” He said sadly

“Stop. It is perfect. This would have happened sooner or later. At least it’s done with now. I know what I’m dealing with” I said quietly. Aj kissed my forehead and began to carry me toward the door, bypassing the chair all together so he could keep me close

“I wish I could take your pain. More than anything I wish I could just feel this for you” Aj said quietly as he made his way up the main stairs to the bedrooms

“I wouldn’t want that. It would be impossible watching you suffer something like this…” I trailed off, envisioning it. For a moment I saw how hard this had to be for the people around me. The people I loved, watching me suffer, helpless, while they just moved around trying not to make it worse.

“Do you want to be in my room or yours?” Aj asked tenderly once we were outside the bedroom doors

“Yours” I said softly “Mollee, Nick thank you for being here for me. Get some rest ok?”

“Are you sure you’re going to be ok going to sleep right now?” Mollee asked

“I’m fine Molls. I love you. Nick, make sure she sleeps” I directed to Nick who just nodded and then took Mollee’s hand so he could lead her to their room. Aj dropped me carefully on his bed and then hit a switch that closed his window wall and dimmed the firelight. He made sure I was settled first with blankets and pillows in all the right places before climbing in next to me. He cuddled in close and then propped his head up on his one hand, using the other to gently stroke my hair away from my face

“How is my girl?” He whispered into the dim light as it played across my face

“Exhausted” I answered with my eyes fluttering closed even as I longed for the strength to keep them open and study the features of the face I loved most

“So sleep. You are so strong and I am so proud of you. I will be right here to keep you safe my love. You are my world” He whispered in my ear. A small smile crossed my lips before my exhaustion won out and took me away from Aj and towards the dream world that was now occupied by Rich. Aj, however, stayed up watching my eyes flicker beneath my eyelids, ready to jump into action should a flashback begin. It was unclear how long he stayed like that, trying to interpret dreams he couldn’t see for himself when he heard a soft knock on the door. A small line of light pooled on the floor as the door creaked open and Aj raised his head a bit to see who was there

“Is she asleep?” Mollee’s voice drifted from the doorway

“Yes” Aj whispered, unwilling to move or really take his attention from his watch

“I need to talk to you, come here” Mollee said through the crack in the door

“I don’t want to leave her alone. I said I’d stay” Aj whispered back

“We’ll leave the door open so you won’t miss anything. Please. It’s important” Mollee pled. Aj sighed and quietly slipped out of bed. He turned to glance back at the figure under the covers and relaxed when he saw signs of even and calm breathing. He snuck out into the hallway but left the door cracked

“What is it?” Aj asked through a yawn before sliding down the wall and positioning himself so he could still hear and see into the room through the crack in the door

“I’m sorry I got mad about the dance studio. You were right, she deserved to see it and I think it will help her knowing it’s there” Mollee said sitting against the wall opposite him

“I don’t hold that against you. As far as I’m concerned everything you and I say or do in the next few weeks can’t be held against us. We’re under a lot of stress” Aj explained

“Good” Mollee said before taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out

“Was that all that was so important?” Aj asked with a small smile. It might be annoying but the love between these sisters made him happy. It made him wish he had siblings of his own

“No. I just… I don’t know how to start” Mollee said twirling her fingers

“Relax, it’s just me. We both love that girl sleeping in there so we’re both on the same side. What’s going on?” Aj asked, a protective love like he hadn’t really felt before swelling in his chest.

“Well, that’s just it. We both love Kat so much so we’re the only two who are really in this same position and… I just… could use a friend?” Mollee said tentatively as tears began forming at the corner of her eyes

“Come here” Aj said pulling her towards him and hugging her close “I am here for you too. I love you Mollee. You’re like a sister to me”

“I love you too Aj” Mollee said through some tears “I’m just so worried about her, you know?”

“I know. There are times that I look at her and it seems like we’ll all make it through this. It seems like the girl I love is in there ready to come out. And then there are times I look at her and see what she saw today in the mirror, someone broken. What if she’s so broken that she can never be fixed?” Aj asked releasing Mollee from the hug but staying close so he could whisper as quietly as possible. It wasn’t every day that he opened up about these kinds of feelings but already talking to Mollee was making him feel better

“I just keep comparing this to last time. She bounced back from that ok but how much can a person take? What if some things are lost that can never be recovered?” Mollee mused

“Well last time she really only had you looking out for her, right?” Aj asked and Mollee nodded “So what we’ve got this time is each other. We will both be here, ready for whatever comes. I mean it when I say that you can stay here for as long as you want”

“Thanks Aj. I really appreciate that. We’ll be there for each other too, ok? This way we can say the stuff we need to say that we could never say to her” Mollee explained

“You know what I just realized” Aj said after a moment of silence “It’s only three days until Christmas”

“That is crazy” Mollee said shaking her head “After we lost mom and dad Christmas became a really hard time. That’s just what Kat needs, right, more hard times?”

“Well Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year. You, Nick and I will have to start new traditions this year. We’ll decorate the house and use it to take our minds off of everything and keep Kat healing” Aj said with determination. Suddenly there was a small cry from the room and Aj stood up straight and fast

“Do you need help?” Mollee asked

“I got it. Get some rest. And make some plans with Nick about Christmas. His family was always really into it, he’ll be a good help” Aj said quickly before running into the room

“Stop, no” I mumbled, stuck in a nightmare that I couldn’t escape

“It’s me precious. Come back to me. You’re safe” Aj said crawling into bed and putting a light pressure on my body so I couldn’t squirm too much and hurt my ribs

“Aj?” I called out, still half asleep

“Right here” He answered quickly “open your eyes, I’m right here”

“Make it go away” I moaned slowly adjusting my vision so I could see his face 

“I’m so tired, I just want to sleep”

“Take some sleeping pills my love. Please? It doesn’t make you weak to get some help from the meds” Aj insisted

“I want to stay sober with you” I said quietly looking into his eyes

“Sweetheart this is so different. This is an extenuating circumstance. Please, for me, take the sleeping pills” Aj said with so much emotion that my breath caught in my throat

“I really don’t want to see his face again” I whispered, allowing a little of the fear I felt to crawl its way out of my belly and into Aj’s ear

“So take this and you won’t have to” Aj said before kissing me lightly on the lips “Stop torturing yourself. Please. It’s killing me to watch you like this”

“Ok” I said softly, unwilling to hear more pain from Aj “Where are they?”

“I’ll be right back” Aj said hopping off the bed and sprinting to his bathroom for water and the right pills. He was back before I could register that he was gone and I swallowed the pills in one big gulp “Thank you precious. Thank you for doing this for me”

“I’d do anything for you” I said drowsily, already feeling the effects of the pills. These suckers must be strong

“Your love as far as I can see is all I’m ever gonna need” Aj sang quietly to my drifting head “There’s one thing for sure I know is true. Baby I’d do anything for you”