Chapter 18

Chapter 18

            I woke up that morning with a jolt and the feeling that my stomach was literally doing somersaults. It took me about three seconds of being awake to realize that there was going to be a serious issue if I didn’t make it to the bathroom immediately so I launched myself out of the bunk just in time to throw up in the toilet

“You ok?” Mollee asked following me into the bathroom as I retched again

“Not really. I must have eaten something funny yesterday” I said wiping my mouth before beginning to brush my teeth

“I think you ate everything I ate and I’m fine. I hope you’re not getting a stomach bug. You’ll totally give it to me if you do” She said and I rolled my eyes at her. My stomach felt a little better but I was still woozy

“Thanks for your concern” I said sarcastically and Mollee shot me a look before helping me back into my bunk

“Take it easy for today. Want me to call your boyfriend to keep you company? Nick and I have plans or I’d stay. I love that he’s your boyfriend” She said giddily as I gave her a weak smile

“He has to set up the arena for the show tonight. He took yesterday off so he’s got a busy day today” I groaned as Mollee frowned

“Well I can’t just leave you here alone and sick. I’ll call Nick and reschedule” She said starting to walk away but I called to her

“Molls, go have fun. I’m not five anymore I can take it easy by myself” I said as a conflicted look crossed her face

“I don’t know” She worried and I shot her a look

“Go. Go now. Don’t look back” I urged. She sighed and kissed me on the forehead before closing the curtain and heading into the shower. I rolled back over and tried to calm my thoughts as they zoomed around my head. I was still a little woozy so fatigue and illness won out in the end and I did eventually fall back to sleep. When I woke up again the bus was quiet and all I could hear were the distant sounds of everyone who worked on the tour doing their jobs. I sat up slowly anticipating my stomach’s earlier state but I found that I felt 100%. I hopped out of bed and took some time to pamper myself and change into a cute winter ensemble that was complete with fuzzy boots and a hat with ear flaps. I pulled on some fingerless gloves and turned to the door in an attempt to search someone out for entertainment when the door opened right as I reached for the knob.

“Oh hey Kat that’s a cute hat!” Camie said cheerfully as she hurried past me and pulled the door shut behind her. She wasn’t quite dressed for the cold in her low necked short dress and she looked like she was freezing

“Thanks! What are you up to?” I asked happy to have company

“I was going to walk the streets a bit and find out the hot spots for after the show tonight but it’s so damn cold” She complained while rubbing her hands together

“Well maybe if you tried some winter gear it might help” I joked as she rolled her eyes

“I’m from Miami. What is this winter you speak of?” She asked as I grinned

“I’m from New Hampshire. Come and let me introduce you to accessorizing and staying warm” I said pulling her into the clothes room. After a few minutes I had her outfitted in a hat, gloves, scarf, and puffy jacket that still managed to show off her killer curves

“This is interesting. I guess you can look cute and bundle up all at once” She said looking herself over in the mirror

“Want to brave the cold and see if we can purchase some warm clothes of your very own? We’re going to be heading into cold weather pretty exclusively for the next month” I said as she grinned

“Shopping? Alright you’ve convinced me” She said looping her arm through mine and giggling as we both tried to fit through the door that way. We made it across the lot and were about to decide which way to go when Aj approached with Missy from the direction we were contemplating

“Where are you two off to?” Aj asked amicably. Well at least he seemed to be trying to keep his attitude from our conversation last night into the new day.

“This girl needs some warmer clothes. Do you know she only packed one long sleeved shirt? Who does that?” I joked and she sent me a fake look of annoyance

“I’m from MIAMI” She said simply as if that explained everything and I laughed

“You two seem to be getting closer. I thought you hated each other” Aj said in what he seemed to think was an offhand tone but the implication was clear. I warned you about her last night and first thing this morning you two are off on an adventure together?

“We realized what we were fighting over really wasn’t worth our friendship or anything for that matter. But you know all about that don’t you Missy?” Camie said cruelly as Missy gave us a look of confusion and Aj seethed

“We should be going” I said trying to prevent the inevitable battle “See you later”

“Kat remember what we talked about” Aj said grabbing my shoulder so I couldn’t steer Camie away

“Hey hands off my woman! Your touch may have convinced her to do things in the past but she’s moved on to bigger” Camie gave a suggestive glance to Aj’s crotch “and better things”

“Enough Camie let’s go” I said pulling her successfully away

“How many of the dancers have you slept with?” Missy remarked dimly as we made a hasty retreat so Camie and I could stifle some laughter

“Gosh it’s fun to mess with him” Camie said happily as I hid my discomfort with a smile and changed the subject to a group of shops we were approaching. We spent a good portion of the rest of our free time shopping and Camie had a blast learning the fun of a good set of winter wear. We headed back to the arena in time to stretch with everyone else and we were still gabbing in the makeup chairs when Mollee called my name in wardrobe

“Feeling better?” She asked as she eyed my smile

“Yeah it must have been just a weird bug” I said with a shrug

“Are you being careful with her?” Mollee asked and I rolled my eyes

“You know she’s not THAT bad. I think she just doesn’t know how to be friends with girls so I’m showing her. She’s so used to fighting everyone that it is her default but when you get to the other side of that she’s actually a blast to hang out with” I explained. Was I really defending Camie?

“I guess. I’m all for second chances but I can’t shake the feeling that she is just no good” Mollee said “But you’ve always been the trusting one”

“True” I said giving her a big hug before taking her hand and leading her to the pre-show huddle. We cheered and did our thing and Camie smacked my ass for good luck before heading to her starting position and I was still laughing at her when I reached Aj

“Interesting company you keep” Aj said quietly as I took a deep breath to calm myself

“Likewise” I answered shortly. Then the music for the video started and we were off and running. The chemistry between us was hot as ever and awkwardly it made me really excited to spend the first night with Josh as official boyfriend and girlfriend. After the show I ran to grab some “supplies” from my bunk and then met Josh outside the bus

“Are you ready to spend some time in a hotel room with your boyfriend?” He asked seductively causing me to giggle

“Only if you can do me a favor and make yourself scarce for 20 minutes so I can set up a surprise in your room” I said flirtatiously as he grinned

“Absolutely” He said placing his key in my hand before kissing it. I smiled wide at the adorable gesture and then ran up to his room as fast as I could. Once I was there I went to work on mood lighting, music, and of course the brand new lingerie I had bought with Camie today in anticipation of tonight. Josh and I had never really gone very far past making out and heavy petting but I was hoping to change that tonight. I was charged with the energy from the show and ready to have some fun. Once everything was set up I moved into the bathroom and slipped on my purchase. It was a black laced corset that was very see-through and attached to some barely there black panties. They hooked into black garters and thigh high black lace stockings that matched the pattern of the corset. Then I slipped on some tall black stilettos and went to work on touching up my show hair and makeup which was sexy all by itself. The only thing I changed was the lipstick. Instead of black I went for ruby red to counter the dark smoky eye and to top it all off I slipped on a black pendant necklace that rested right in the ample cleavage provided by the boost from the corset. Just as I was finishing up I heard a knock at the door and grinned. I shut off all the lights except for a lamp that pointed at an angle so that from the door you could only see my silhouette in the doorframe of the bathroom. I took a deep breath and checked myself over one last time in the mirror

“Come in” I said sexily before hitting play on my ipod speakers. Caramel by Suzanne Vega began to play and I began a teasing dance that projected in shadow on the wall as I heard the door open

It won't do to dream of caramel, to think of cinnamon and long for you

The music played and I swayed slowly to the music while stretching my arms above my head and running my fingers through my hair

It won't do to stir a deep desire, to fan a hidden fire that can never burn true

I slowly pinched the toe of the thigh highs between my fingers and removed them one by one in silhouette before tossing them effortlessly over the door while I danced

I know your name, I know your skin, I know the way these things begin

I turned slightly and wrapped my leg seductively around the door and brushed my hand from the heel of my foot to my inner thigh as I slowly extended my leg. I peeked out from behind the door unable to contain myself any longer and eager to see Josh’s reaction but I didn’t see Josh. Instead my heart froze and my blood ran cold for a second as my eyes met Aj’s. I squealed in surprise and tried to run into the bathroom but I forgot that my leg was wrapped around the door and managed to launch myself backwards through the open frame. As I fell I saw the shower curtain and in a last attempt to break my fall I grabbed for it and it snapped off rung by rung before my head met its final destination on the edge of the bathtub.

“Oh shit, Kat are you ok?” Aj asked flipping on the lights and running over to me as I tried to disentangle myself from the curtain while my head throbbed

“What the fuck are you doing here?!” I asked angrily and right as I managed to free myself from the curtain I saw Aj’s gaze drift to my provocative outfit. I immediately pulled the curtain back around myself

“Sorry, sorry” He mumbled and then his eyes met mine “Oh you’re bleeding”

“What? I am?” I asked anxiously as I tried and failed to get on my feet to look in the mirror while covering myself with the curtain

“Yeah right on your forehead. I think you hit the edge of the plate with the soap on it. It was metal it looks like it cut you” Aj worried as I tried and failed again to get up. He finally noticed and in one swift movement managed to get me on my feet as the shower curtain fell to the ground. We stood there in silence staring at each other with me feeling pissed off and completely vulnerable and him feeling… well…happy. I tried to cover myself up with my arms and Aj scoffed

“Don’t you dare laugh at me” I said as embarrassment began to set in and my cheeks flamed red

“No, it’s not that. It’s just… it’s not like I haven’t seen it before” He said with smirk and I sent him an evil look right as Josh entered the room

“Bright eyes are you in here?” He asked as the red from my cheeks began to travel down my neck and to my shoulders in my deep embarrassment

“Uh” Was all I managed to get out before Josh was in the doorway to the bathroom. He took in my lingerie first and then Aj and then the disaster of the shower curtain and soaps everywhere and finally his eyes rested on my head

“Oh babe you’re bleeding” He said and my heart warmed. Any other guy would freak out about finding his girlfriend with another guy while she’s dressed provocatively but Josh was worried about my head “Please tell me you sustained that in a struggle with him because he was trying to force himself on you?”

“Why would that be what you wanted to hear?” I asked in confusion

“So I’d have an excuse to kick his ass for being in here with you half naked” He whispered to me but so Aj could clearly hear. A small smile crept across his lips and leapt onto mine as I giggled and he swiftly removed his button up so I could cover up a little. He sat me gently on the toilet lid and grabbed a hand towel, ran it under cold water, and began to blot the cut to stem the blood flow “So… who is going to explain?”

“I should go” Aj said but I stopped him

“Not so fast. What the hell were you doing coming into Josh’s room?” I asked angrily

“I wanted to talk to you about Camie. I didn’t mean to ruin anything” He mumbled

“And it didn’t occur to you that things might be happening in a hotel room with two committed people?” I asked harshly

“I was worried. I guess I wasn’t thinking” He said quietly and I sighed

“Josh let me escort Aj out and then I’ll give you the whole humiliating story” I said as Josh nodded, understanding as ever, and began to attempt to re-attach the shower curtain. I grabbed Aj’s arm and pulled him to the door

“I’m sorry, really, you just invited me in and then it was happening and I couldn’t stop watching…” He trailed off and a small smile played on his face

“Well next time identify yourself” I said trying to stay mad but not being very successful at it in the presence of Aj’s open admiration

“He’s a lucky guy. Any guy who has a girl who would give him a welcome like that…” He trailed off again and regret stood prominent on his face

“Ok you need to go” I said unable to handle any more mixed emotions from Aj in my night “We can talk tomorrow but tonight I’m otherwise engaged”

“Have fun” He said sadly as I shut the door and turned back to Josh. He hugged me lightly and then pressed a band aid over my cut and sat me on the bed

“Hopefully this was all meant for me?” Josh asked with a smirk and I giggled feeling ridiculous now that I could just be myself. I explained the whole thing and Josh was flattered and disappointed and angry at Aj especially when I removed his shirt and began to model my new lingerie. In the end nothing really happened, I just couldn’t get myself in the mood, and we fell asleep in boring PJs. As Josh snored I stared into the darkness and tried to pretend that I wasn’t more flattered by the one smirk on Aj’s lips as he took in my outfit than by all the following comments by Josh.

I woke up the next morning a little sore from the fall but mostly just nauseous. I hurried to the bathroom and emptied my stomach before returning back to bed with a groan. I stretched my arm expecting to bump Josh but it swept over an empty bed instead. I squinted in the morning light from the window and slowly took in the sight of a folded piece of paper where Josh had been last night. I picked it up and read it quietly

“Babe I had to get out and do some work but you were sleeping so peacefully that I decided not to wake you. Meet me for lunch around noon at the arena?” I read though a yawn. I glanced at the clock – 11:00 – and decided I should shower and try to look presentable for lunch after the disaster that was last night. After much primping and fussing I was feeling much better so I made my way down to the lobby in some black sparkling leggings, red pumps, and a plaid button up that hugged my curves in a casual way. My hair was curled and cascading off of my shoulders and my make up was subtle except for some bright red lipstick. I headed for the door of the hotel and saw I had two people waiting for me. On one side of the doors was Camie motioning for me to come over and on the other was Aj looking uncomfortable but giving me a look that clearly suggested a need to talk to me. I contemplated and then walked to Camie

“Hey! What’s going on?” Camie asked as I approached and I could feel Aj’s disapproval piercing through my back

“Not much, just about to meet Josh for some lunch at the arena. Want to come and meet some techie boys?” I asked knowing boy crazy Camie could never turn down such an offer

“I knew I could count on you for entertainment. Let’s do it” She said with a grin following me to the door

“Kat, can we talk?” Aj yelled to my retreating back

“Nope” Camie answered quickly before I could while pulling me out the door

“Bitch” I said elbowing her playfully as she grinned

“You say that like it’s a bad thing” She said as I rolled my eyes at her and we started making our way towards the arena “So can I talk to you girl to girl?”

“You mean as opposed talking to dog to boy? Sure” I joked as Camie giggled

“So you’ve got this thing you do. Where you wear your heart on your sleeve and that’s great and everything” Came began

“Thanks?” I joked

“But it makes you a really easy target for say… people like me” She explained

“Ok…”

“I just think if you defaulted less to the weak and sensitive young thing and more to the… well… in your words…bitch… you might be taken more seriously” She said as I pondered

“Camie I can’t change who I am” I started but she interrupted

“I’m not saying you should change who you are. I’m just suggesting a little change of attitude. Just try a little more tough outer shell and a little less crying. I mean when have you ever seen me cry?” I thought back to my parent’s death anniversary and decided not to bring that up

“I guess I haven’t” I lied and she grinned

“So would you rather be hurt and crying all the time or can I give you a few lessons on how to take care of yourself and make sure that you’re the badass in charge?” She asked and I paused. I was sick of being hurt and spending all my time crying and pining over something that was lost. I was definitely sick of being coddled by my sister. Maybe if I could prove that I was a capable person then some of it would sink in and I could get some confidence. Maybe if I worked at it hard enough I could even let go of Aj and really give myself to Josh.

“What harm can it do?” I conceded as Camie grinned

“Perfect. We’re going to a bar after lunch” She said happily

“But we have a show tonight” I said as she rolled her eyes at me

“Kat you’re a phenomenal dancer, you know the moves, you’re young and in shape, and I’ll get us back in time”

“But-”

“Do you want to be the head bitch in charge or not?” She asked turning and taking me by the shoulders. She stared into my eyes with such ferocity and excitement at the prospect of adventure that I had to give in

“Ok, ok. As long as we’re back in time to stretch and re-focus”

“There’s my girl. Now where’s your boy?” She asked as we approached the arena. I looked up knowing Josh would be swinging around the scaffolding somewhere until I located a familiar mop of brown hair

“Where’s my boyfriend!?” I shouted playfully and was answered by a short laugh as Josh started a quick descent

“Right here my girlfriend” He said landing a few feet away

“Camie’s here too. I promised I’d introduce her to some of your guys” I said as Josh nodded

“Of course you can. Come on let’s go to the lunch table and you can meet everyone” Josh said taking my hand and kissing me swiftly on the cheek. I motioned for Camie to follow us and we made our way to the opposite side of the stage where a bunch of the guys I had briefly met through helping Josh with lights were seated. They looked up as we approached clearly not used to girls around the work place.

“Hey everyone I’m Kat and this is Camie. We’re dancers on the tour” I said cheerfully as Camie scanned the boys like a lioness scans gazelle for the young and weak. I stifled a laugh

“Hey boys, can I sit here?” She asked sexily as she slid in between two incredibly hot guys who moved eagerly to accommodate her

“She’s not shy” Josh commented with a smirk

“Nope” I said leading him to the opening at the far end of the table “So how has your day been”

“Good. Better now that you’re here” He said giving my hand a squeeze causing my heart to warm. We had a good time eating and joking with the guys who were pretty smitten with Camie. I didn’t think I’d ever seen her so happy or at ease and that made me smile. Her advice was questionable but watching the ease at which she took the attention of the room was a fairly convincing argument. What harm was there in trying to be more like that?

“Alright boys we have to run. If any of you are done with work and want to join us we’re going to a pub to prepare for the show” Camie announced with a wink to me. A few guys looked around and then stood up to join Camie and I looked to Josh

“How is the lighting grid looking?” I asked Josh as he looked thoughtfully up at the scaffolding

“Not as good as you” He said focusing back on me with a spark of adventure in his eyes “But it’ll do”

“You’re the best” I said kissing him softly on the lips

“Come on love birds we’re going” Camie said from the center of a group of five guys

“We’re coming” I called without looking away from Josh’s eyes that were so full of excitement and light “You’re adorable”

“Just trying to keep up with you bright eyes” Josh said happily as I smiled and allowed him to pull us after the group. We grabbed a cab and Camie gave the driver quick directions to a generic pub. Josh had a beer and I contemplated the drink list

“Kat do some shots with me” Camie called

“Cam we have a show in four hours” I objected

“Ok four shots then. Who else is in?” Camie said as the group of guys around her cheered and the bartender began pouring the liquor

“That’s not what I meant” I said quietly as Camie pulled me away from Josh’s side and into the chaos. Four shots later Josh was finally able to pull me aside

“We should get going” He said steadying me

“What time is it?” I slurred as he checked his watch

“About an hour before the show” He said and panic began to run slowly through all the alcohol in my system

“Cam, we have to go” I yelled to the red head relaying a story to the bar

“Alright girlie just a few parting shots and we’re out” She said and I shrugged knowing it was impossible to argue with her. I clinked glasses with her and downed something clear before heading out and hailing a cab. The ride went quickly and Josh walked me to the door to back stage

“See you after the show?” He asked sweetly as I bit my lip

“I wish I could just take you back to the hotel right now” I said seductively pressing myself against him

“Me too” He said with a groan. I leaned in and made out passionately with him until I heard my name and pulled back reluctantly

“Jesus we were worried! Have you been out here doing that this whole time?” Mollee asked with a grin

“For a while” I said trying with all my might to enunciate so she wouldn’t know I was drunk

“Well come on Booger let’s get you to hair and makeup. Josh” She said nodding to him

“Sorry Mollee” He said bashfully

“Young love. What can you do?” She said happily taking my hand and leading me into the make-up room “Who would have thought my little sister would be late to a call because she was making out with a boy? My baby girl is growing up!”

“I’m not a baby” I said with Camie’s words in my head “But I’m sorry I’m late”

“No worries” She said

“Why are you so happy?” I asked while being attacked by hair people

“Oh I just like to see you moving on. And Aj might have caught some of the show and the look on his face was priceless” She said as my drunken mind mildly processed a feeling of worry

“I see” I said not trusting myself to say much else lest she find out how drunk I was. When I was done in the chair I changed quickly into my clothes and stretched a bit while gulping down water so I could try to sober up. By the time we said our prayer and were heading to our starting places I was coherent but still a little tipsy. I stood behind Aj praying he wouldn’t try to talk to me because if anyone would be able to tell the state I was in it would be him but he was focusing pretty hard on the screen in front of him. I wondered briefly about that before he stepped through the curtain and then the music cue for my entrance was being played. I took deep breath and parted the screen discreetly while focusing all my attention on the music. I figured that if I looked down at the dizzying height of the stairs then I’d fall and this time it would be in front of an audience. As I pondered this I felt Mollee poke my back from behind me and I jumped in step with Sophie who had started moving on time and was thus a few steps ahead of me.

“You ok?” Molls whispered as I nodded yes and we took our places in sexy poses on the stairs. The intro played through and I approached Aj a little off balance so I had to use the first step to brace myself against him and he gave me a weird look. I tried to brush it off and let my dancer’s instinct take over but it was like forcing a stubborn toddler into action. Every time I would get into the grove my foot would wobble or my ankle would twist and I’d end up a step behind and racing to catch up to an ever more concerned Aj. I stumbled a bit in the few moves I had with Brian and he giggled at me which set me a bit more at ease. It’s not like the audience could tell there was anything wrong. Maybe I was just being paranoid and Aj was just being over protective.

“Kat” I heard behind me as I ran off stage left for a costume change

“What?” I answered quickly without turning so I could still get into the next outfit

“What the hell are you doing out there?” Aj was right behind me and I could feel his concern thinly masked by annoyance. 

“Dancing, which is more than I can say for you” Ooh harsh. Camie would be proud

“Excuse me? I’m not the one stumbling around the stage like an idiot” He said angrily. I stripped to my underwear as quickly as I could and turned to face him so my quick change stage hand could fix my hair

“Well maybe I would look less like an idiot if I had a capable partner” I shot back. Man that last drink had made me confrontational

“What is wrong with you?” Aj asked quietly trying to look deep into my eyes. I quickly looked away while a dress was pulled over my head and I used that distraction to side step around Aj and out of his accusatory stare

“Leave me alone” I shot over my shoulder as I ran to my next entrance. Over the show I sobered up a bit and was pretty much back to normal by bows. I had a few missed steps but nothing too bad. It seemed the only one to notice anything was off was Aj and of course he was waiting for me outside the arena after I had changed as I attempted to meet Josh

“Kat” He said as I tried to sneak past him.

“What?” I asked innocently. I was in no mood to be lectured. It may not have been the smartest move to drink so much so close to show time but nothing bad had come from it so I wasn’t about to feel bad about having a good time and still managing to do my job

“Are you drunk?” He asked seriously

“Nope” I said truthfully. Not anymore.

“Were you drunk on stage tonight?” He asked as if a family member had died and he was the one who had to deliver the news

“Aj give it a rest. You’re not my mother” I said attempting to walk away from him

“No but she’d be pretty disappointed in you if she had seen you tonight” My blood began to boil but I tried to keep it under control

“Don’t you ever talk about my mother like that ever again” I said calmly but with enough venom that he actually took a step back

“I’m sorry but you won’t listen to me unless we’re fighting so I had to do something. Kat what were you thinking? This is your dream! Do you want to get fired?” Aj asked trying to take my hand and burrow a hole through my brand new wall of badass

“This is not worth my time” I said pulling my hand away and walking quickly in the direction of the hotel Josh was staying in. I heard Aj call my name a few times but I ignored it pretty successfully and managed to get into the hotel room and into the shower before I had to register any of my guilt. I heard the door to the hotel room open and shut while I blinked the tears out of my eyes and watched them fall with the water down the drain

“Hey babe” Josh yelled from the door. I shook my head to try and rid it of the pit of guilt that had settled in but it didn’t help. “Can I come in?” I prepared myself for the answer that no just because you’re my boyfriend now doesn’t mean you can take showers with me but I stopped myself short. The only way I could ignore my mounting guilt was to plunge into this new attitude and really commit.

“Only if you take off all your clothes” I said sexily. Oh to hell with it.